I feel like I always hear people say that there must be a heaven or an afterlife because otherwise what’s the point. But I’ve been thinking, maybe this is the point. Right here, right now. Maybe this life is all we get and it is up to us to make the most of it. To turn it into our own personal heaven. Or maybe not a personal heaven, but as close to the idealized heaven as we can get for everyone. We can do our part, make the world suck just a little bit less and everyone’s lives can be richer, fuller, happier. And that’s all there is then. No worries about the next life or the afterlife or the after party or anything. It is about this moment. And the next. And the next one after that. And making the most of all of them. And amounting to the happiest existence you can make for yourself, the people you care about, and everyone else you come in contact with.

I’ve been feeling like I’m wasting it. Like there is so much more I can be doing for the well being of everyone, but also just for my self. For my own happiness, which in some ways oftentimes feels like a far distant thing that I may never get to. But I know that isnt true. I am happy, just not with everything in my life. I have a family that, while dysfunctional, is all mine. I have a boyfriend that I love, and that loves me, and that’s all I can ask for. I have a (more or less) full time job that, while it is no where near my ideal, is better than being unemployed (I think). I have a heart that beats, lungs that breathe, legs that can walk, run and all sorts of other movements (even if I eventually trip and get bruised).

I think I need to work on being thankful for the good things in my life instead of being so focused on the bad. I have a lot of greatness around me and I just don’t appreciate it the way I should.

I’m not going to sit here and say “THIS IS IT. TODAY I CHANGE!” because that isn’t how change happens, especially not with me. It is a gradual thing. But maybe, just maybe, tomorrow I can make a little attempt. I’ll complain a little less. I’ll help a customer without rolling my eyes (unlikely). I’ll try harder.

And with that I can be one step closer to creating that heaven on Earth. That ideal happy place for everybody. Because I think there are no guarantees. Who knows what comes after this? Maybe nothing. so if you can’t be happy in this life than really, what is the point?

I am feeling wholly unremarkable of late. Perhaps its my job. Or my living situation. Or the poor choices I’ve made. But I feel like I will never get out of this rut (professionally speaking) and like this is, kind of, it. I am doomed to forever ask if someone would like a copy of their receipt and if they’d like everything in a bag, or they’ll just take it in hand. Or if they’ll be using cash or credit.  These are things millions of people do every day. They’re somewhat necessary jobs. There is nothing special to retail. Nothing incredible about being a sales girl. Nothing remarkable about my life.

I am closer to 28 than 27 at this point. I am floundering. Eight years ago I had such big plans for myself. I can’t even fathom the life I had planned anymore. So much has happened. So much has changed. So many people have come and gone. I wish I could get myself back on track, but I honestly don’t know what the “track” is at this point.

I just need to get my shit together and get over myself.

sometimes I don’t want to make new friends
sometimes I just miss my old friends

That was the thing. You never got used to it, the idea of someone being gone. Just when you think it’s reconciled, accepted, someone points it out to you, and it just hits you all over again, that shocking.
Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever (via observando)

You know you’re right for someone when they force you to be the best version of yourself.

(via lyriquediscorde)


Joe Iconis, “Broadway Here I Come”


Joe Iconis, “Broadway Here I Come”

POZ Video Premiere: Modern Baseball - ‘Sports’ In Full Acoustic Set


Our friends in Modern Baseball played a charity show a few weeks ago that was presented by Liquid Courage Media and Big Footprints. The band played their debut album, Sports, in its entirely acoustically, and the house show in addition to Big Footprints’ summer 4-way splits series raised nearly $1,300 for  the Boys & Girls Club of America and The Philadelphia Arts In Education Partnership. 

PropertyOfZack is thrilled today to be premiering Modern Baseball’s full Sports acoustic set that was shot by Ally Newbold and Jason Figueroa. Watch it below after the jump!

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(via end-serenading)